10/31/2012

La faim, la faim, la faim

Notre besoin de consolation est impossible à rassasier. C'est ce que dit Stieg Dagerman dans un livre magnifique dont je dois relire régulièrement le contenu pour me convaincre qu'un tel livre existe bien. J'oublie néanmoins assez vite pourquoi Stieg Dagerman pense que notre besoin de consolation est impossible à rassasier, mais je sais que cette phrase est juste. C'est une phrase qui fait partie de ces phrases charnelles, disons phrases de chair, qui vibrillonnent dans la tête mais dont la vraie nature, la vraie origine, est dans le corps. Dans les muscles, les intestins. Sous la peau. C'est là, sous la peau, que la phrase de Stieg Dagerman file comme un lézard sitôt qu'elle me vient. Sitôt que je l'ai lue. Elle y est au chaud. Et je suis d'accord avec cette phrase : je sais, comme une inexplicable évidence, que notre besoin de consolation est impossible à rassasier. Ne me demandez pas pourquoi. L'envie me prend de temps en temps de me faire tatouer cette phrase. À l'intérieur de l'avant bras. Notre besoin de consolation est impossible à rassasier. Cette simple idée me fait sentir adulte. Elle me montre la voie, elle me dit : "il y a plus de vie à assumer que notre besoin de consolation est impossible à rassasier qu'à essayer de le cacher." Et c'est déjà un début de consolation. Le dire. Affirmer ce besoin. L'avouer. L'aveu. Et je rencontrerais une fille qui aurait la voie d'Anna Aaron et elle me trouverait sans intérêt jusqu'à ce qu'elle découvre la phrase sur mon bras. Elle me fixerait, intriguée, désarçonnée, soudain je lui échapperais par ces quelques mots sur mon avant bras : notre besoin de consolation... Elle vérifierait dans mes yeux à quel point je suis d'accord avec Stieg. Elle dégagerait mon autre avant bras, celui sur lequel j'aurais fait tatouer "La Vie Simple". Et puis, sans un mot de plus, elle me prendrait contre son sein maigre.

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